When Anger Masks Grief: A Lesson in Emotional Honesty

I felt the rage building inside me, desperate to let rip.

But something made me pause. In the car, driving to the supermarket, I chose not to act. Instead, I sat with what was truly happening.

My Mum's ashes were being delivered.

Final. Definitive. Anxiety rising within me.

I wasn't angry. I was sad. Feeling sick type sad. But sadness makes me feel vulnerable, so I'd masked it with fury — directed at my boyfriend for something utterly trivial.

In that moment of clarity, I spared us both a pointless row. Someone who loves me dearly didn't deserve my displaced emotion.

I only recognised this pattern because of a coaching session I'd had the previous week. I'd sought support knowing I needed to talk, to release, to be challenged in my thinking.

The New Pattern I've Discovered:

• Recognise it: What am I thinking, feeling and doing? I was thinking my boyfriend was inconsiderate for driving to M&S before B&Q. I felt anger. I was about to explode.

  
  

• Retrace it: What could this anger really be about? The text I'd received earlier—Mum's ashes would be delivered soon.

  
  

• Own it: What's the truth? I'm not angry. My boyfriend is wonderful. The order of shops is irrelevant. I am sad.

  
  

• Voice it: What needs saying aloud? "I feel sad..."

This process took an hour of silent contemplation—working out the truth, scanning my emotions, weighing the impact of speaking versus silence.

Tears came silently in the car on our way home. Unseen. I could have continued hiding.

At home, I finally said it: "I am sad."

The result? An immediate hug. Safety. Love.

It allowed me to explain why I felt sad. More tears came. More cuddles followed.

A day of necessary tears that hadn't surfaced until now.

And it prevented an argument about absolutely nothing—the kind I've definitely instigated before.

We are all responsible for our own emotions.

You live and you learn.

Recognise it. Retrace it. Own it. Voice it.