Think Your Child Doesn’t Notice? Think Again.

Parenting is tough — no one’s denying that. But let's stop sugar-coating the truth.

Small shifts in how we communicate, while uncomfortable at first, can make a lasting difference. For both you and your children.

It’s common for adults to withhold the full truth from children. To avoid awkward conversations, protect their feelings, or dodge the endless “but why?” questions that wear us down.

But children are particularly vulnerable to the effects of dishonesty.

When we routinely sugar-coat the truth or offer "white lies," we’re not just avoiding discomfort, we’re sending powerful messages about trust, emotions, and what’s safe to talk about. Messages that shape how children develop and relate to others for years to come.

Research shows that children as young as three can sense when something’s off. I often compare it to animals — children feel before they understand. They might not have the words, but their instincts are spot on.

The scary part? When a parent says one thing and does another, children don’t miss it — they internalise it. And that disconnect can leave them confused about what’s real, and whether they can trust what others say.

Emma, a mum I worked with was worried and frustrated when her 9-year-old son had stopped sharing his feelings. She couldn’t work out why. Through our sessions, she realised she’d been brushing off his emotions with phrases like “everything will be fine,” even when she didn’t believe it herself. Once she began validating his feelings honestly, saying:

“Yes, this is hard. I don’t know exactly how it will turn out, but we’ll face it together.”

his trust in her began to rebuild.

But dishonesty doesn’t just break connection — it can distort a child’s sense of reality.

When a child sees that you’re clearly upset, but you insist “I’m fine,” they begin to doubt their own instincts. And that’s a dangerous thing. If they can’t trust their gut, they lose a crucial tool for navigating the world.

The truth doesn’t mean sharing every detail. It means being emotionally honest: naming what’s real in a way that helps them feel safe and seen.

Children who grow up in homes that practise radical honesty develop powerful emotional intelligence. They learn to name their feelings, express needs, and handle relationships with clarity and confidence. My own daughter, at seven, can name and navigate her emotions more fluently than many of the adults I coach in their thirties.

Honesty isn’t just about integrity — it’s a gift.

It helps children understand themselves, build real trust with others, and grow into emotionally healthy adults.