Control, Influence, and the Moment Everything Changed

There are things in life we can’t control.

But sometimes, we can influence them.

The line between control and influence isn’t always clear — it’s full of nuance and emotion.

Splitting up with the father of my daughters was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. The six months that followed were excruciating. I felt powerless, stuck in survival mode. Looking back, I can see I was also in victim mode. It wasn’t that I was consciously thinking “poor me”, but nothing changed while I stayed there.

Fast forward six years: I’m not the same person. My values, my health, my relationships - all transformed. It took courage, compassion, acceptance, learning, and a complete rewiring of how I lived.

And it started in one split second.

I read something that stopped me in my tracks. I realised I was being a hypocrite; I was holding one standard for others, but not living it myself. The choice to change happened in that moment.

The change itself happened over time.

Now, when life gets hard, these are my non-negotiables:

• Exercise — short, challenging, consistent.

• Listen to my cycle — I can’t change my hormones, but I can work with them.

• Talk — with my coach and trusted friends.

• Reflect — silence is deeply underrated.

• Eat well — fibre and balance first.

• Hydrate — water genuinely makes me happier.

• Sex — because pleasure and endorphins matter.

  
  

This list might not be for everyone, but it’s my foundation. Especially in emotionally challenging times.

We can’t control everything around us.

But we can act with integrity, and choose actions that keep us well.

That’s where influence begins.